Cessation

She's calling me to let her out
as if I could contain her
or bind her in a lover’s leer
to tether or restrain her.
Her cadence sounds through every wall
and haunts the hollows of my hall
with hope attending every call;
inferring when I feign her.

She's calling me to let her out
immune to my incursion;
She lulls a houri maiden-song
and satires its perversion
As caustic whisperers impede
my probity of every need,
otiose vows now bite and bleed
naive to her aversion

She calls and cries and now it's clear
how deep her heart is weighted
white words berate old lovers faint
She yearns un-satiated
Resolve and valor in reserve
She reaps the past then reigns her nerve
And waits and wants and may deserve
More love than she's been fated

You (part 2)

Second
in a league

of two
as lovers pass 

through
steadily
I mark them all

but readily
cede only

unto you

Nothing's owed me (working title)

Alone
I stand
with my brutality
well in hand
of all things
I will claim
"I knew her
when she had no name"
Now alone again
I wait
for her gentile burn
to abate
she flashes by
or passes through
I've done all
that I can do
She'll not abandon
me at all
I climbed so high
and far I fall
as cadenetal
as that may be
I know she doesent
wait for me
The shadows break
and now reveal
this hollowness
that once real
left initself
is purely fake
in full aware
of risks I take

Hunger (Is a Crime)

09.07.93
She don’t want for nothin'
God, how great her need;
a warm embrace to carry her
when the shinning lights recede
to a field of vegetation;
still somehow incomplete
anything for hunger,
when a girl has to eat

…Because a girl has to eat
…yeah, a girl has to eat

Dragging camel after camel
'cause she likes the way the feel
fills the emptiness inside her
only time & love can heal
she's as lonely now as ever
so she walks these streets by night
to an all-night diner
where a girl can get a bite

…Because a girl has to eat
…yeah, a girl has to eat

Hunger is a crime…
Hunger is a crime…
Hunger is a crime…

Some things she's not so proud of
some times she can't recall
it's true, she isn't perfect,
but who's perfect; after all
she's a child in a corner
who is craving something sweet
such a deplorable condition
for a girl who has to eat

…Because a girl has to eat
…yeah, a girl has to eat

So I'm outside her window
at eleven-twenty-five
this night feels so fatal,
yet I am so alive
get your face off that pillow,
wake up your sleepy head
come the morrow they will find us
fat and still in bed,
...because a girl hmm, hmmm

Death-Rock Angel

11.14.90
Death rock angel as my masochist
With broken vowels spewn past her lips
Her heated word & mistrusting eye
Weigh her wing, deadly angel will fly, no more
Death rock angel as my masochist - My, my

Death rock angel on my telephone
The ringers on & she's always home
"Hello", her voice like a little child
Sweet, in anger she gets louder, now.
Death rock angel on my telephone - She's wild

Death rock angel bums cigarettes
She smoked fifty packs, ain't bought one yet
She drags those fags hard all night
To the butt, lips warm & bright, yeah
Death rock angel bums cigarettes - "got a light"

Death rock angel, guess I'll never lean
My throat still bleeds but my heart still burns
You don't care and won't say why
To kill my love, you gotta try - harder
Death rock angel as my masochist - Goodbye

Christmas Song

3.16.87
Mistletoe imparts the quiver
Snowmen; excite and shiver
Brandy sifts, while spirits lead the way

Bobsleds race so fast it’s thrilling
By all degree the air is chilling
In light remorse at sight of this decay

Eagerness of fashion
Frisson fused to passion
Awaiting the arrival of a sleigh

Serene; we nest together
Holding fast, forever
Aching for another Christmas day

Winter

11.11.89
Overwhelmed since birth, they said
He'd never live to share the sky
But reason, writing all along
He shared the sky and proved them wrong
And proved them wrong again
Spinning helpless on tangled thread,
With eyes engaged and broken wing
He never meant to do them harm
He cracked the sky that kept them warm

As true as a lie
As real as surreal can get
As sharp as the eagles’ eye
…As quick as the untimely
No need to remind me
Death, no longer prison
Arms, no longer warm

Appearing through stained, shattered glass
With lips as red as ruby stones
He bled, forgiveness, through his hands.
Staggering, though still he stands
And meets in their misfortune
Overcome, he took each blow
Delivered by that gentile tribe
His death was swift, no cries implored
His legend now, his last reward

As true as a lie
As real as surreal can get
As sharp as the eagles’ eye
…As quick as the untimely
No need to remind me
Death, no longer prison
Arms, no longer warm

Celestial Love Dance (revised 2012)

I

Long haired and lovely

her music so pure

I move with the cortege

bound in her allure.

Her lush dirge delivered

with passionate breath;

as I closed my eyes

and waited on death.

Long hair, too lovely

for words to convey.

I move with her body

abandon, then fray

in jade eyes of Elysian;

reposed and supine;

rending asunder

this corporeal twine.

II

Long hair, how lovely;

forgetting my place,

I rush to her body

then fall from her grace:

her intoned abasement

announce my demise,

I glimpse her ascension

through ardorent eyes.

Long haired so lovely

I, faithful, remain

resisting the impulse

to whisper her name.

My antiphon answered

at heaven's expanse;

revealing Amanda;

enthralled by her dance.

OK, a bit of history needs to accompany this, since it relates to the post below...

I've know Amanda, a DJ in the Los Angeles underground Goth/Industrial club scene for some time, and have always loved the way she danced. Early on though, she was "the DJ" and we never really spoke, other than an occasional song request. That being the case, CLD was as close as I could come to describing the emotion, appreciation, and undoubtedly infatuation felt while simply watching her dance. After all, I am something of a poet; my job is to observe. :)

Today, I can say that Amanda and I are friends: This is not a love poem. It's a simple expression of a moment in time when I loved to watch her dance (I still do)   I was worried that, after reading this poem, it being so different from the original, she might have thought I was that "creepy, stalker guy", but she, being smarter than I, wisely stated that "...you and I have known each other way too long for me to take this in any other way than the lovely compliment it is..." 

Thank you, Amanda.  I hope we will always be friends.

The poem below is (as close to) the original, published in Rouge et Noir: les poemes des Vampires (volume 2 I think, I can't find either of my copies at the moment) and was hastily scribbled, from memory, in Meg Reed's apartment, a few nights before Rouge went to press. Meg Reed is the creative force behind the book: Rouge et Noir: les poemes des Vampires, the Vampire Poetry Reading Series, that accompanied it and the Undead Poets Society; the group of writers that were featured in the book and reading series (No, we don't carry cards). CLD was a new piece I had been reading locally and a mutual friend got us together. Like most all of my pieces, the one I just complete; seems to be (in my mind) the best one yet.

Fast forward to 2012; the poem just doesn't hold up! I'd like to think that my writing style had improved, but the truth was that the original poem; however meaningful to me and complementary to her, was actually really, really bad.

So, to give a bit of perspective, and to officially "blog" something which, after all, is what I'm supposed to be doing here, I give you, for your reading horror, the original version of

Celestial Love Dance

1991

I

Long haired & lovely

Her music so pure

I moved to her body

So that I might hear

She sang to me sweetly

With passion & breath

Then I closed my eyes

And awaited my death

II

Long haired, how lovely

Her skin soft & pale

I'm moved by her body

In every detail

The flawless perfection

Yielding only to grace

Her intimate laughter

And heavenly face

III

Long hair, too lovely

For words to convey

I moved near her body

And there longed to stay

In eyes warm & healing

Acknowledging mine

A form of detachment

From the real and divine

IV

Long haired so lovely

A sonnet refrained

Again & again

'Til you know it by name

Both graceful & flowing

My passion of chance

My eyes on Amanda

Mesmerized by her dance

Jan 21 2012 12:30a

Flower unfolding
claiming dawns' morning air
trampled by shadows

scribble #1

Deny me your bond
brush me aside
with broad strokes
pending promises
and your lingering scent

Brush me aside
paint me any color you want
for I am blank & empty
palette-less, tasteless
and void

spā-shē-ō-ˈtem-p(ə-)rəl

she eyes the elixir, admiring the care
though exacting the measures were painful
now retracing the steps, acutely aware
as her thoughts are not as they once were

the apron cuts tight in the small of her back
without blinking or thought or conviction
she pulls on the string, to loosen the slack
and continues, though not as she once was

moments slip by, this presence won't last
still, memories flash through her confine
musing through decades, dense as the past
will find her now; not as she once was

In This Night

(I re-worked this one a bit, too)

the lemon moon waxed brilliance
through the liquid wintered sky
crowding in, beneath a veil
bent on servicing the lie
immersed up to our ankles
that cautioned every step
my heart drenched with conviction
your eyes curiously wet

I blame the rain
then curse the cold
and revel in this night
as all my dreams unfold

I pulled to hold you closer
taking comfort in my grip
your mouth more moist than tender
salt of perspirated lips
we crossed, for hopeless hours, 
through the dark, lurid terrain
impeded by desire 
and the renderence of rain

For Sophie

January's soul
lifts dead leaves sorrowful mourn.
 ~ cold, vigil snow drifts

In faith, awaiting

Bathed in lustrate silence 
barely surfacing the door,
sorrow weighs each moment
in her eye.
essentially debased;
envisioning a new god,
rude promise carves my face
awaiting her reply.
Woven in her dolor
every answer I desire.
caution beading folly
out the eye.
fictile surrogates waste
and orison a new god;
latticed to their faith
awaiting her reply.

Bacchanal transgression;
my illicit serenade;
permeates her focused
nubile eye.
iniquities erased;
embellishing a new god;
pulse increasing pace
waiting her reply.
bridled by emotion
aged and drifting on the vine,
limpid tenets beguile
every eye.
sworn gentry twist in place,
baring tokens for a new god.
fealty in the faith,
awaiting her reply.

Born anew; lamenting
for a spiritual revolt.
drowning in the furrows
of her eye.
acting, more as paste, than
anointment for a new god,
Dutifully ornate. 
Awaiting her reply. 
Vice and virtue equaled
as contributory cysts;
an irony, contested
and denied.
We venerate the wraith;
and canonize a new god;
tethered to the faith
awaiting your reply...


and here is the original version of the above poem, that I wrote in 1989 ~ wow, that long ago
It was titled New God, and was more of a "beat" poem at that time.  The cadence of it has completely changed

New God
12.19.89

     Liquid is the sunlight, barely surfacing the door
Passion for a moment in her eye
Silk against my face; dancing for a new god
Fire in my face; fire in my eye
     Stolen from her mirror is the answer I desire
Caution dripping, caution from the eye
Seventh sense of grace; dancing for a new god
Fire in my face; fire in my eye
    Echoed by her actions that her footsteps never made
The wicked and intriguing evil eye
My heart has quickened pace dancing with a new god
Fire in my face; fire in my eyes
    Blinded through emotion, ripe perfection from the vine
Uncertainty now frozen in my eye
Skin I long to taste; dancing for a new god
Fire in my face; fire in my eyes
    Poison, hard to swallow, saturates the mind
Envisioned so tempting to the eye
Swill it with a chase; dancing for a new god
Fire in my face; fire in my eyes
    Now the liquid sunlight encompassed on the floor
Drowns me with desire from the eye
Silk against my face; dancing for a new god
Fire in my face; fire in my eyes

You

23OCT09

You
Love me
Loathe me
Bathe me
Clothe me
You
Free me
Hold me
Praise me
Scold me
You
Belittle and
Betroth me
Empower then
Expose me

Sugar

Bulldog at the table
Sugar on my tongue
Stare into the mirror-mirror
Oh, mirror make me young
Young enough to feel
Feel enough to know
Know enough to turn away
Turn away and go
Turn away and go
Turn away and go, away

Embers (of Seattle)

12.10.91

Lying green just out of view
The pine sensation "winter-fresh"
The memories I now recall
The winter, fresh, the chill and all
The things that come with youth

I braved the storm to face the frost
That threw me back into the snow
At four or five that’s quite a ride
Without your father by your side
To pick you up & pat you off

Glowing green just out of sight
Too far & strong to feel or die
The moments I remember well
That sings to me enchanted spells
I play by heart & ear this night

The drizzle & the red tide days
When envelopment was not allowed
Unsafe to journey far, for harm
Would surely strike. The strange alarm
The sun would shine; the blinds were drawn

Burning now the blue-red hue
Warm accepting family tree
Though all things die, it should come to pass
These seeds were spread; this tree shall last
Growing green just out of view

Scarred

Moving stones, removing stones
to orchestrate a view
Waiting on you…
wasting away
Sorting through this madness,
remorse & madness
I explode all my love
wasted on you

Mere feet below this splendor,
proper, tender-tempered soul
Lay dust & ashes…
wasting away
Feelings unforgettable, pain
penetrates. I feel you
I explode
all my wasted love

(Chorus)
Beneath the red scarred sky
I wait for your return
Into the blue-faced sea
Will I never learn?
Into the blue-faced sea
I wait for your return
Beneath the red scarred sky

Losing faith or losing touch,
messiah softly screams
Waiting for you…
fading away
Torture follows torment,
deaf'ning silence
I explode all my love
fading further now


Tempted by this hunger
I've too long been denied
Feeds,
and then it fades away
I can't control, can't reason,
I can't escape
I explode all of my love,
further and further and further…

Angel in My Arms

Having no respect left for myself
I took her in my arms
Violently my heart pounded
(Perhaps an act of desperation)
I brought her close
She came willingly
To my mouth her neck
And to my hands her thigh and back
To my tongue her mouth
And to her mouth mine
All the while, I must be dreaming
I grow so tired
And I feel…
And she feels…
God!
The softness in her every stroke
Her mouth & mine
Two pools of delight & enlightenment
The heavens are in my reach
I hold an angel in my arms

Naked Rain

Slowing rising into sight
The ghosts of my soul dance tonight
In harmony with their terrain
Call the wind that yields the rain
Moving closer to the ground
The ghosts that I know, sane and sound
Without fear or feeling pain
Laughing, naked, loving rain

This night so clear, so fresh and crisp
The ghosts of my soul don't resist
These magic moments in refrain
The ecstasy that is the rain
The stealth in which their passions praise
A lesser ghost would be amazed
Their raging anger self-contained
Released by the embrace of rain

Alas, the storm has spent her seed
The ghosts that I know must recede
Now every moment means greater strain
For ghosts are ghosts and wet is rain
Returning to the gracious earth
The ghost of ghosts, and host and curse
Resting dry, and awaiting rain
To one day rise and dance again

Rites of Skin

This day will end without meaning
And this night will guide...
...This voice, spoken with feeling
Will keep promises deep inside
Of the skin
These lips will tremble to pucker
And this heart will shake...
...This soul, eternally tortured
By this fatale mistake
Of the skin
This blood boils in anger
In what these eyes hold divine...
...In these arms of this stranger,
God! I'm in danger
Of crossing the line
Of the skin
Cold, but...
...This body still sweating
These tears of delight
This mind weary, regretting
Sins of the flesh, and
Rites of the skin

Free

See the yellow-eyed monster,
Me...the passion jerk,
Penetrating your armor,
A pompous egotist,
Surely true love is more than this
Awaiting on your arrival,
Me...your marionette,
Surfacing for survival,
I pledge my dying breath
Though you would induce my death
I'm…
Mesmerized by your actions
Me...beat to the floor,
Kinky kind of attraction,
Laugh or slightly sneer,
And know that I love you dearly
Motion me from a distance
Me...the fashioned boy
Weakened from the resistance
As your aureole dissipates
I'm free from your tourniquets
I'm free
I'm free
I'm…
Collapsing in opposition
Me…the glacial one
Fasting from this condition,
Willing participants
Or failing intoxicants
Lashing out from all corners
Me…your paramour
With little comfort for mourners
Rising from this wake
To steady my hands as they shake,
As they shake…free.

Dead of Night

(Chorus)
I blame the rain
and curse the cold
and fear the dead of night
...when all my dreams unfold

The lemon moon waned placid
In the liquid wintered sky
As pearls showered us from heaven
And served to veil the lie
Immersed up to our ankles
Cautioned every step
My heart so full of fire
Your eyes curiously wet

I pulled to hold you closer
Taking comfort in my grip
Your mouth more moist than tender
Salty, perspirated lips
We walked the darkest hours
Through the wet, lurid terrain
Baptized through our desires
Impeded by the rain

(Repeat chorus)

The Taking

02.14.91 REVISED 10.30.2001

Untimely, and with no regard
I took her there. I took her then.
The instance seemed to justify
Circumstance of where and when.

The shame somehow won't register
Her scent so ripe in succulence
At will, invades my every pore
And still, denial alone won't cleanse.

Am I so evil, so un-feeling?
That I have not yet learned to give?
Tormented heart and mind concur,
'Yes!’
For I am young & wish to live.

Venetian Blinds

03.16.89 revised 11.05.01

Venetian blinds put me to rest. Take away the sunlight
Venetian blinds into the after, running life out of my breath
Burning down, down… Spinning down
Venetian blinds taste my sickness, taste this sweet despair
Venetian blinds into darkness. I feel nothing as nothingness
Down, down, down…

Touched by flesh that lingers on dedicated ground
Held by crippled fingers
A shade a death merges with my lips now,
(Though I'm not dead)
A shade of death merges with my lips

Venetian blinds closing slowly, extending my spiritual plane
Venetian blinds, angles and worshipers of what is holy
Spinning down, down… Spiraling down
Venetian blinds, breadth of heaven & hands held out for praise
Venetian blinds or self-destruction as we bury our brethren

Held by flesh that fingers the dedicated ground
Choked by crippled fingers
A shade a death merges with my lips now,
(Though I'm not dead)
A shade of death now merges with my lips

Venetian blinds simply lack compassion as I fall to my knees
Venetian blinds just one more moment. Please…

Warmth & Pleasure

07.04.89
Warmth & pleasure
Risen
From the dead
Black ash stains 
My skin
Sunlight never felt 
So cold
In my naked arms
I hold
Pleasure
Risen
From the dead

Suffer the bite

began 04.01.89 revised 11.03.01

She runs her fingers through my hair
And it feels so strange (like a lingering pain)
That I've never felt before
Then looks deep into my eyes
With her eyes aflame (and a lingering pain)
That makes me look away

I have to look away

She whispers warmly in me ear
With heat to pierce (and a tingling pain)
I can no longer bear
Her tongue, now lashing at my neck;
Her passion fierce (with a tingling pain)
That makes me pull away

I have to pull away

I feel the power of her lips
Pressed upon my flesh (and a quivering pain)
That leaves me wanting more
Her mouth, now feeding on my soul
And with every breath, I am closer to death
I have to break away

Please, help me break away

Night

02.0?.92
We shared a night,
And maybe more
Melted minds and melted lips
As arms entwine
And eyes collide
Scented, soft and open...
Wide
Pleasures of the flesh explored

Gentle Rage

(for elizabeth jean) 12.24.91

I lay your body; I stroke your cheek
And vision you always
Then rend the proud flesh I can't assuage,
Addicted to this gentle rage

You've made me beg, I've made you blush
Two souls set afire
Standing firm through this collapsing stage
My addiction, your gentle rage

Tender, far more tender
Than I'd ever hoped you'd be
I kissed your lips and tasted heaven
I'd loose myself in your arms
And you would drown yourself in me

I taste your whisper, then clutch your side
And pull you closer
No words command as we engage
Mere addiction that encradles rage

I feel you and dream
Your face, pressed on my pillow
Though older now, and showing my age
I long for your power and passionate rage

Back-lash

(for elizabeth jean)

love without middle or substance or bone,
the provisional loner at war.
and ending that era, I slip through the skin
confronting the terror and pleasures within
this moment, this rapture, this cardinal sin.

fantastic endeavors, new dreams and denials
while condemning myself in the wake.
co-de-pent and thirsting; this feral of trust,
I roil amidst fervor's, embellished in lust
your liquid enlight-ment; my motional crust.

bent over, bent backwards, now bending to break
this flesh, timid ritual.
the ecstasy measured by site of her eyes
that eclipsed and encased the enveloping skies
for much less a treasure I would, most certainly...